1: Letting Go of Rage
It's hard to explain exactly how to start this, except to say that I'm in the throws of a spiritual awakening. My mother says that I've had one, but I say, no, I'm still waking.
Three and a half years ago I attempted suicide. Twice. Ever since, it has been a struggle to motivate myself not to complete the task. Once you complete steps to cross that threshold, it's easier to want to do it again. With the epidemic becoming pandemic, my 8-years-in-the-planning trip overseas being canceled, it was hard to contain the rage growing inside me. A simple request by public health experts around the world was: stay put. If we all do it, we'll burn this thing out and life goes back to normal. A bare blip on the radar in the annals of history. But no, we couldn't be told what to do because everyone complained, "I've got rights!"
I became angry. Short-fused, less patient. I'm normally a pretty patient person. And then one day while working, I said to God, "your shoulders are bigger than mine. I can't handle this anymore".
