A Continuation Of World Without a Filter

It's been a couple of days or four since I first wrote about my experience without my 'prescription sunglasses'. In truth, there was nothing prescription about them, except that I have light sensitivities related to epilepsy, migraines and headaches. I've gone three days at work (outside) without sunglasses, except when I'm driving on the highway. I can honestly say that a few days ago when I first experienced no pain without shades, was not a once off. God has done something in me. 

I also neglected to mention I have what I suspect is Occipital neuralgia. I get shooting pains that start in the back of my skull and travel up to the top of my head. It's an intense pain. It doesn't last a long time, but it can be pretty powerful. I've since looked up some of the associated side-effects. Light sensitivity is one of them. And yes, I still get the sensations. I had one earlier today. It causes one to grab at their head to try and stop the pain. It's pressure and pain rolled into one and I can feel it moving as it travels north on my skull. I've had this for about eight months. I neglected to tell my neurologist, but will.

People think miracles don't happen, can't happen. But the next time I see my neurologist and tell him about the suspected Occipital neuralgia, I'm going to tell him that my light sensitivity is gone and my headaches are reduced (how's that for a weird dichotomy?) and he's probably going to smile and say "that's nice", "I'm happy for you", etc etc, but the reality is, nobody can explain this. I'm pretty sure you don't grow out of light sensitivity at my age when your eyesight is still 100% and you're still taking the same 'light-enhancing' medication!  

 Praise God!

World Without A Filter

I've been totally reliant on sunglasses to make being outdoors more bearable. In late 2016, I was diagnosed with status migranosis (a perpetual migraine). That went on for a couple of years. It was rough. That has since settled down and I'm receiving a monthly injection, but I still get chronic headaches and the odd migraine pops through. It's resulted in what I call a reverse panda face. My complexion is two-tone due to constant eye wear usage outdoors.

With the pandemic going on, I've been pulling my mask up any time I enter a business and in winter time, I'm wearing a hat, so it's hard to just move my sunglasses on to my head and some days I've left them on my face, only to have my shades fog up. I don't like not removing my glasses in most circumstances (I don't wish to appear rude), but I'm usually carrying something also, so I'm trying to be efficient.

Today, I went into a business, put my shades on my hat and pulled my mask up and then decided, I'll see how I go. It's bright. The sun is shining. It's only a few places today that I'll have to keep shades off my eyes. Maybe I can manage for a few minutes without winding up in pain.

And then I noticed I was able to keep them off. And they stayed off. 

Small and Significant

 

2

I've heard about people who have had things happen to them spiritually, that is seemingly instantaneous. But for me, I don't think this was it. Taking a step out, even in desperation is a step nonetheless. 

The Awakening

1: Letting Go of Rage

It's hard to explain exactly how to start this, except to say that I'm in the throws of a spiritual awakening. My mother says that I've had one, but I say, no, I'm still waking. 

Three and a half years ago I attempted suicide. Twice. Ever since, it has been a struggle to motivate myself not to complete the task. Once you complete steps to cross that threshold, it's easier to want to do it again. With the epidemic becoming pandemic, my 8-years-in-the-planning trip overseas being canceled, it was hard to contain the rage growing inside me. A simple request by public health experts around the world was: stay put. If we all do it, we'll burn this thing out and life goes back to normal. A bare  blip on the radar in the annals of history. But no, we couldn't be told what to do because everyone complained, "I've got rights!"

 I became angry. Short-fused, less patient. I'm normally a pretty patient person. And then one day while working, I said to God, "your shoulders are bigger than mine. I can't handle this anymore".